Self-Help



Have you ever walked into a bookstore and looked around the "Self-Help" section?  There are literally thousands of books available for issues dealing with love, heartbreak, friendship, anger, depression, anxiety, stress, addictions, weight loss, financial repair...just about every human condition known.  What I find worry some is that so many of us are willing to put stock into what some unknown author or therapist has to say but we refuse to seek help from the people around us. Could it be that we have been so hurt from past relationships...leaving us with little faith that anyone in our life is trustworthy?  I suppose that on a subconscious level, many of us are aware of the personal torments as well as failed and barley surviving relationships that encompass our family and friends. Although I do not agree, I can sympathize with why so many shy away from seeking help from those we know.

As a society, we spend billions of dollars on books and therapy from people who will never know us.  I am not saying this is 100% wrong but I do not believe this should be our first resort.  What exactly are we seeking to cure? What answers do we hope to find in all those pages?  Usually, the problems listed above are surface problems and do not begin to address the underlying issues.  Just as a doctor cannot treat his patient until he is aware of the problem, neither can we.  The simple fact is that each and every one of us is sick and in need of help. As a favorite speaker of mine stated, "Regardless of what you or I pretend to tell ourselves, we are NOT okay.  In fact, we are so NOT okay that God became a man and died on the cross for us." - Fr. John Riccardo. 

I believe most of us fail to realize how sick we are because we are so numb to it.  The majority of us have dealt with pain for most of our lives and do not even notice it anymore.  So the root pain (a lack of a personal relationship with God) turns into things we do notice such as our failed marriages, failed friendships, failed relationships, failed businesses, failed finances and failure to be honest with ourselves and those around us.  We put band-aids on all those failures or walk away and start anew, as if they never meant anything to begin with.  Some of us get by for another 5, 10 or 15 years until all of those issues begin making their way back into our lives, leaving us with the same feelings as before.

Fr. Riccardo goes on to say that, "The condition we need to be aware of is the condition of the human heart".  We are a torn, battered and bruised culture, living in a world with all sorts of walls.  It is because of these walls that we end up using each other instead of loving one another.  Unfortunately, we enter relationships asking "What's in it for me?" rather than "What can I offer?"

So how do we treat the sickness in our hearts?  According to Riccardo, we do this by beginning to ask ourselves the basic questions such as, "Who am I" and "Why am I here".  We must contemplate the mysteries of life and strive towards self realization.  We must believe that with God, everything that means something is possible.

Who Are We:  The only way we can truly know ourselves is by knowing God on a deep and personal level.  How do we get to know God...We get to know God by spending time in contemplative prayer each and every day. We cannot rely strictly on ourselves, our books or the latest trend in recovery.  We need to reflect on sacred scripture and we need to study the lives of the people who were closest to Him. We need to put our trust in God's love and mercy for us.  When we get that, when we realize how much God loves us, we will further discover ourselves through the giving of ourselves.  When we are able to give ourselves in total love with no walls, we deepen our relationship with Him.  It is through all of this that we begin the first steps in self realization.

Why Are We Here:  We are here to share in God's love.  We are here to BE different, to LOVE different.  We are here in hopes that our heart will be transformed into God's own heart.  We are here to be sanctified.  Regardless of our past or present state, we are ALL called to be saints.

Thankfully, there is a cure to the pain and suffering our hearts inflict upon us.  The cure is not one of self-help, but rather placing your trust in God and learning to love and trusts others.  The cure begins to take place over time, when we accept that change is impossible on our own.  Only through God's grace, are we capable of living and loving differently.  Only through God's grace are we capable of change.  Unfortunately, this is an unpopular theory and one that we rarely find in the pages of self-help books.

It is crucial to be aware of the struggles.  In reading the stories of the people who were closest to God, I have come to realize that sanctification is a life long journey and one that can be lost in the beat of a heart.  My prayer for myself and each person I know is that we never give up on our journey.  My prayer is that we ask for and receive God's grace each and every day.